Intro
I’d be okay if I never had to speak again
I’d be okay if the only way I could share
Was singing a song to capture the heart of it
I’d be okay if I never spoke again
You Warm Me
Nourishment is a rare bird in these times
Wings out wide nuzzled into what’s good
Held like a warm bath surrender
This is what this life is about
I’m no longer tempted by shoulds
You warm me from the inside out
From the outside in
I belong to this body. I belong to delight
The laundry list of what I have to do
Just a little less vital to my time
Than taking hot clothes out the dryer
And laying under them, too
You warm me from the inside out
From the outside in
Rest with me
Undress ideas on how we’re supposed to be
In a world that's full of uncertainty
Let’s indulge in a little jubilee
You warm me from the inside out
From the outside in
A Million Ways
There’s a penny in the dryer rattling
Hard metal on metal
It pulls my attention erratically
And I know it’ll go until I shape things to move differently
The energy it takes to figure out how it's gonna go
A million ways
Spare your mind the chase
Do what there is to do and be done with it
Rumination and crawling skin
My misguided helpers
As useful as breaking a sweat
Trying to catch the wind
The energy it takes to figure out how it's gonna go
A million ways
Spare your mind the chase
Do what there is to do and be done with it
Four Letter Word
Once upon a time they sat across the table
Giddy smiles, twinkled eyes
Unable to contain their love
Years unwind them now stiff in silence
Dripping wax on candlesticks
They bought on their first trip away
She bites her lip, takes a breath
And waits for him to swallow
To tell him she's ready for divorce
I can't imagine what you face cuz I've only had a taste
This one's for the heartbreak
The pain when the heart ain't where the home is
Begging for a new way when home is a four letter word
The kids at school know their name and whisper pointing
They know themself by puzzled looks and endless searching
For how to be in a body they were born to
They change their name, tape their breasts and muster courage
Over again to tell each friend who they’re becoming
Even though they've been it at along
I can't imagine what you face cuz I've only had a taste
This one's for the heartbreak the pain
When the heart ain't where the home is
Begging for a new way when home is a four letter word
We are tender human beings
being human different ways
We can love by listening
We can learn by listening
Still Every Year
The cold of new Winter is shocking and clean
The fog in the doug firs, a moonlit sheen
I’ve got myself bundled remembering the breathe
The turn of the seasons so old and so new
It cycles within me like flowers between blooms
I forget every year that the birds go south too
Still every year
It’s like I’m getting to know you for the first time
Lower Lip
Your lower lip is thick
With all the kisses that you've ever given before me
I get the gift of where you've been before me
How love has shaped you
How you shape your lips to meet mine
I want to be a student of you
And you don't need the right answers
But I've got questions for lifetimes
Maybe a lifetime with you
Your hands are big with all you've held before me
And all you've touched, all you've received before me
Complete with scars, I've got a few too
Let's mend what isn't fully healed together
I want to be a student of you
And you don't need the right answers
But I've got questions for lifetimes
Maybe this lifetime with you
I don't want the time to tell
What makes this worthwhile
Whether tomorrow or in withered grey
I'm in it for the ride
I want to be a student of you
And you don't need the right answers
But I've got questions for lifetimes
Maybe a lifetime with you
Chrysalis
When the acorn falls from the oak
A severance from hanging ease
Hits the ground hard and broken
With the Earth tomorrow's tree
There's power in falling apart
Let your tears pour wild and free
You're alive to the calling in your heart
You're watering your seeds
Inching forward to chrysalis
Where everything evolves
Vibrant wings and graceful bliss
Come after the dissolve
There's power in falling apart
Let your tears pour wild and free
You're alive to the calling in your heart
You're watering your seeds
Like an October tree
Parts of you are ripe, parts of you are dying
In Spring new life will pull from the decay
Fruit will ripen from the rain
There's power in falling apart
Let your tears pour wild and free
You're alive to the calling in your heart
You're watering your seeds
Blind Spots
We held our smiles behind shifty eyes
To let you ride out your fairy tale
What kind of friend would impose their piece of mind
And disrupt by lifting up your veil?
All in good time you’ll see what’s clear
It’s okay you didn’t see it then
Hindsight is 2020 every time
It’s okay it’s a reminder
We really need each other
To help us see our blind spots
On second thought ours is the kind of love
Where we say the hard thing and tell it like it is
You’d do the same for me
And I’d love you more than I ever did
What more is friendship for than this?
All in good time you’ll see what’s clear
It’s okay you didn’t see it then
Hindsight is 2020 every time
It’s okay it’s a reminder
We really need each other
To help us see our blind spots
I sing this song for me sometimes
You’re not the only one
Who learns by making a mistake or two
It’s okay you didn’t see it then
Hindsight is 2020 every time
It’s okay it’s a reminder
We really need each other
To help us see our blind spots
Before You Get Here
There’s riots in the streets
People standing up for people
The ones with darker skin are getting hurt directly
But no one’s out of harm when only certain people bleed
They bought and sold the forest
Greed can turn a person against their very breath
In lines and boxes, screens and toxins
We bury our trash in our mother
There’s wild land here
We’ll sit in the old growth and listen
How do I explain to you?
Piles of food are thrown away
All the while empty bodies hunger
Good people slave just to get by
But there’s no scarcity
Just an unfit myth of separation
I hope that it will change before you get here
Oh child it can be bleak out there
But there’s enough of us who never give up on care
That won’t change when you get here
Oh by the firelight
I’ll tell you stories of a different time
Radical Dream
There's nothing that's ever been
Or will ever be wrong with you
Sometimes we just get off track
It's human to do things
Where we don't recognize ourselves
What matters is how we get back
To who we really are
I have a radical dream
That every human being
Is exactly how they're supposed to be
There's nothing to prove
Just find your own groove
Enjoy yourself
Cuz you've got a lot to give
It's easy to see where we're lacking and judge ourselves
Do you see how far you've come?
That's who you you really are
I have a radical dream
That every human being
Is exactly how they're supposed to be
I know you're hungry to be better
Acknowledge yourself right here exactly as you are
There's nothing you need to grasp
Or achieve to belong or believe
You already have exactly what you need
I have a radical dream
That every human being
Is exactly how they're supposed to be
The Story
I started writing songs out of a dream that I felt but didn't yet believe in. Over and over again I heard “that's not for me, that's for someone else,” envious of songwriters and captivated by what I saw others create. I had been singing in groups and bands for years but had never written or gave voice to my own music - a new seed waiting to germinate. The pull was persistent. The experiences of longing got more and more intense, to a point where saying no took more energy than saying yes. I became open to the possibility that perhaps this call was ringing in my ears for a reason. I knew I couldn't get the results I wanted doing it alone. I let my worries have a seat at the table but I didn't let them run the show.
The expression of what seemed to be mine and only mine to share came, no matter how much I doubted myself and the call itself along the way. Quarantine and the sudden death of my dad cracked me open and gave me the outlet to let the story pour, to let the expression ring, to let the song play. The not-so-kind thoughts never went away, but I let them become the muse to create beauty. I consistently focused my attention away from this artistic endeavor being about me and instead considered it being about impacting and contributing to others in a meaningful way.
This music is a gift from my human experience to yours. My hope is it brings beauty, ease, catharsis, and solidarity for a better world. Please share generously with those you think may be touched by anything we've captured here and remain curious to where you can let yourself be cracked open and give what is yours and only yours to contribute.
My freewheeling chat with The Bon Bon’s Nook on music & creative expression, coaching done well, silliness, the worry parade, and more.
My interview with The Undergrowth Podcast on the inner workings of my creative process, purpose, resilience, and healthy fear.
I C r e a t e T o D i g e s t
Here are some songs that have formed along the way. I record these one-take videos as a way to honor what moves through me imperfectly, and to focus my attention on contributing meaning into the world instead of fear.
